About 6 months ago I started doing Crossfit. I’ve been a fan of the sport and the training methodology for years but it was the right season in my life to jump into it. It instantly captured my heart and my lungs! I’ve been active and have worked out since I was in middle school. But this was so much fun. I was pushing myself harder than I ever have, learning new skills, getting personal weightlifting records, meeting new friends. I’ve always wanted to be an athlete but I never really had a sport, always wanted to be a part of a team, have coaches, and now I do. I realized many of my limitations are set by myself. I achieved things and pushed to new levels because I had coaches showing me the way and people around me cheering me on. Not to mention, if you have even the smallest bit of competitiveness in your nature, you can’t help but love the environment.
You also are quickly forced to come face to face to your weaknesses. Nothing will break you down quite like feeling your lungs are bleeding and training to failure (failure -which is one my biggest fears in life). I realized I have decent flexibility and mobility but am not very strong. I love bodyweight exercises because I’m about the size of our heaviest kettlebell, but those heavy barbell workouts crush me. I cannot figure out for the life of me how to do a double under with a jump rope and apparently I am terrible at the rowing machine. And yet each day I was leaving with a sense of accomplishment and a fire to continue to come back and learn and improve.
About a month ago I was doing a workout with a moderate amount of weight but I injured myself. I see Crossfit as a sport and I know a lot of people give it a bad reputation, but injury is a risk of life. Whether you are pushing your body to the limits or just repeated use. You hear all the time how important spine health is and how important a strong lower back is, but you don’t realize it until you have to live life without it functioning correctly! The day before I was feeling awesome, I did 5 hand stand push ups from the ground (try just getting upside down with your feet on a wall if you want a challenge), and then it all stopped. I couldn’t sleep, could barely get my shoes on, and it HURT!
Pain is not always bad
I’ve always hated going to the doctor. I highly value productivity so I guess I think I don’t have time to be sick or injured or don’t want to bother with it. However, there’s something about being in pain 24/7 that makes you appreciate that there is medical help out there! And it made me consider going, which I never would have done otherwise. I’m actually thankful for my body’s response to the injury, it limited my movement and gave me signals that I needed to change my routine. Without it, I probably would have just hobbled through, limped along and gone right back into what I was doing except not efficiently or enjoyably. Sometimes we need pain and discomfort to help us change, and to force us to reach out for help.
Facing weaknesses sucks
It’s humbling to be stripped down to your limitations, your flaws, your pain. Suddenly it doesn’t matter how much I can snatch or how many pull-ups I can do, since I could barely do everyday things. It’s a very vulnerable place to be in and I tend to want to be out of there as fast as possible. I would like to focus on my strengths and what I like doing. Before I got injured, I did not “have time” to do extra core strengthening and back accessory work in the gym. I did not go in and spend hours working on the exercises I do not enjoy and am not good at. But now I am. It’s not very fun. My friends are all doing these crazy workouts together and I’m in the back of the gym with my little bands doing my exercises from physical therapy, feeling about 3 feet tall. I realized that when you’re dealing with pain or less than ideal situations, it’s SO easy to isolate. Even though really all you want is someone to notice you or talk to you. All you want is to share about what you are going through. Thankfully, I have amazing friends at the gym and outside of the gym that listen to me me complain and also keep telling me that I’m going to come back stronger.
I need other people
This experience, being part of a Crossfit community, and then dealing with an injury has made me realize that. It’s always true but sometimes you recognize it more than others. I needed to go to physical therapy, to a professional to figure out the root of my symptoms, not just to help treat them. I need to work on specific muscle weaknesses and my technique needs work too. Especially humbling when you need stronger glute muscles…what a pain in the butt! I needed a plan, and people around me to help me walk that out, as well as accountability to keep doing the hard things I don’t feel like doing. I know that as soon as I’m able to start joining workouts again, my coaches will help me scale things back so to where I’m at, and will help me on my journey. I also look forward to being cheered on, coming back stronger, and being able to share those successes with my friends.
The unknown can be scary
I don’t know exactly how long it’s going to take for my healing process and that’s hard. It’s so hard to be patient and of course I struggle with doubts about whether I’ll ever be the same again. Sometimes I think our bodies heal quicker than our minds. It might be terrifying the first time I do some of the movements that I was doing when I got injured. But I’m learning that trusting the process is just as important as the outcome. And to focus on what I CAN control and what I DO know. I can still workout which is the activity I enjoy the most in my life. I am getting better than I was, and I am getting stronger in certain ways and the rest of what happens will happen.
Working out is amazing
I don’t think I’ve ever had a time in my life that I appreciated exercise, especially high intensity workouts in a community than now. I rarely struggle with feelings of anxiety or depression or sleeping (if my kids are) and as soon as I stopped, those things came out of nowhere! I realize they are complex issues but I realized for me how therapeutic moving my body is and I realized how much I am passionate about doing it and getting others to. I’m actually taking my personal training exam in about a month and I want to get back into helping people take care of their bodies and helping them to fall in love with exercise. Of course, I’ve been hit with a lot of self doubt in that too. If I can’t even keep myself injury free or do the workouts I want to right now, how am I supposed to be a role model to others? But maybe people want real and relatable, not perfection. And maybe self doubt isn’t the problem, maybe self-reliance is.
There’s always a purpose in pain and weakness
Our weaknesses keep us from thinking too highly of ourselves. They also provide a platform for God to work in our lives, how could He if we already had it all together? Weakness and pain can also give us greater empathy and understanding for other people. Lower back pain is one of the most common injuries and complaints of adults in America. I am learning so much and I hope that one of the purposes is so that I can give other people tools for not just treating symptoms but getting to the root of the problem so they can be pain free and do all the things they love. I’ve already made new friends at the gym simply from going to some of the easier classes or being there at different times. I might have missed out on that without changing my routine.
Crossfit is all about a lifetime of fitness, I want that. But I want more than that too. I want to boast in my weaknesses so God can work through them and others can relate to them. I really couldn’t say it any better than one of my favorite passages of scripture.
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (The Message)
Here’s to being weaker and getting stronger!
Jessica's Thoughts 